Great Expectations

It is no coincidence that our first blog was titled 'Great Expectations' and my last, as I prepare to leave London, is of the same name.

I couldn't tell you exactly why we left New Zealand over two years ago. A mixture - as it always is - of running away, fulfilling that desire to explore, and coming up with some answers. I could pretend it was a difficult decision, but it wasn't. One day David and I were sitting in a restaurant waiting for our friends to join us when the talk of London came up. In that moment our minds were made, tickets were booked not long after, and farewells were bid not long after that.

I had been in a well paid job in New Zealand, doing all the right things to get further into my career as a journalist. But at the core of it, something just didn't sit right. I was doing things I never thought I would be capable of; things that I think even David doesn't know the full extent of. I'm sure had I continued on my career path it wouldn't have taken long to get out of those positions (standing in the background for the funeral of a mother who was killed, to then pounce on the family as the hearse drove away comes to mind) but I couldn't wait that long. And I couldn't go to another funeral. So I ran.

All the way to London. I came here thinking I'd be able to clear my head and come up with some answers as to my life plan (a reasonably heavy weight to place on a city in which taking a moment to breath is sometimes difficult). Two years on, I'm not sure I've got those answers. But I have learnt an incredible amount about myself.  And I have explored; all with the amazing support, friendship and love of David at my side. The pleasures have been vast; standing on a hilltop in rural Morocco while the call to prayer bounces off the mountain sides. Swimming with elephants in northern Thailand. Cycling down the canal paths of Amsterdam. Making a fire out of wood we had gathered while camping in Sweden. Sitting on the back of a scooter as we zoomed through the chaos of Vietnam. The list is endless. And for that, I am grateful. Beyond words.

I thought I'd leave London with some clear answers. But the only answer I've got, is that there is no clarity. At least for me. I had it all planned in my head; I'd come to London, slog it out here, and return to New Zealand fully able to settle and get stuck into whatever it was I'd decided would be my life plan. Only I leave London in two days and I still don't have a life plan.  But I'm more than OK with that.

So did I have 'great expectations' when we left two years ago? Yes (though I never admitted it, and I certainly never wrote them down).  And maybe my expectations weren't met. But then again, maybe they were; and some.

- Hana